UFO's...

I just read an article on ADHD and possibility clutter that lit up my brain.  Recently finding myself in a stack of UFOs, and no particular reason for my roadblocks, I discovered something monumental.

Ready?

The fear of starting over.  I thought to myself, so I have enough materials to start over, repair this, rethink this, and in most cases, the answer is YES!  So, that's what I'm doing with my current stack.  Cutting slashes into what isn't working, starting what isn't yet started, writing and actual schedule.

Committing.

Deep breaths.  Let's go.  Starting now.

And by now, I mean this very minute.

Pictures to follow.

On the day of Maya Angelou's passing...

Repost from 5/28/14

This autograph, photo postcard and quick note, written and given to me (she wrote my name!)  from Maya Angelou, will be my forever keepsake. I am an enormous fan of her creativity, beautiful writing, and a unique artistic point of view.  I specifically pursue all opportunities to embrace creativity in my own life and can't seem to stop creating, making, and writing all the time, even when I don't have much to show for all of that effort! I am greatly inspired by her work, philosophy, and work ethic.  She talked about her writing habits; rising early, and immersing herself in her work (often in spare hotel rooms) until at least noon.  After working, she would shower and prepare herself for the social part of her day, sometimes sharing her writing with her husband, inviting no critique from him. I particularly love her commitment to turning off the switch at some point during her day, which is something I have not yet learned to do.

"There's beauty in the patterns of life" is a tagline from a movie in which Maya Angelou was a co-star, about 16 years ago.  "How to Make an American Quilt" was not a great movie, by anyone's definition, but parts of it did speak to me... 

That quote made me think of a post from my old blog, (originally posted November 29, 2007) that begins with the image of my sister's painting, ca. 196...?

I can only note that the past is beautiful because one never realises an emotion at the time. It expands later, and thus we don't have complete emotions about the present, only about the past.
-Virginia Woolf

They say a picture is worth a thousand words...

Over the past few weeks (remember, these are my words in 1997), I have been haunted by the question, "Why blog?"

I started writing entries simply to combat the frustration I felt over not being free to leave the house, socialize and have grown-up time when I wanted to...

The triple-whammy of my difficult pregnancy with our toddler daughter to care for, followed by my son's serious birth defect and neuro-surgery, followed by an incredibly tight and grueling therapy schedule have left me very little "me time". So I started writing this blog. What I have found to be far more valuable than the catharsis the blog has given me, is the absolute joy of reading the blogs of others...

So it seems, I have found a "community". I was inspired to say this today, as this realisation is hitting me.

When I read your blogs, I "hear" you. I hear the love you all have for your children, (whether they are small or big)and the absolute passion you all share for expressing yourself through your words, garments, and creative fingers. I am learning so much through you. Today, I want to celebrate that!

Just so you know, since this online life can be isolating, there is someone eagerly awaiting your next posts, even when I don't comment!

So, why the picture and quote?

Well, when my sister was little, she painted this image of my mother at the sewing machine. It was the 60's, so you can see the color choice was very "of the moment", and the roundness of my Mom's afro is a great fashion statement, isn't it?

Notice my Mom's back to her - she is absolutely in her own world. And happily so. Even at my sister's tender age, she could appreciate that my mother had her own passion, and my sister took the opportunity at that time, to explore her own creativity.

At the time, anyone would have said, "What a cute picture of your Mom at the sewing machine!" But the picture expresses so much more than that. It is not about feeling "left out" of my Mom's creative world, it was encouragement and permission to find her own creative space.

As a Mom, finding your own space, your own moment to just create and really be who you are, is so important. And letting your children know that you are entitled to that space, and having them respect it, is vital. Well, husbands and friends too, but mine don't give me any conflict about my sewing. I am still carving out my own time, slowly but surely, since I have discovered that I truly cannot live (and be pleasant, ha!) without it.

So now, Maya Angelou's "back" is turned to me (and us) forever, and I hope you will indulge this thought I am about to share...

There will be no more words written by Maya Angelou... but her work needed to be written every bit as much as she needed to write them.  There is a synergistic flow in art, poetry and literature, and one of the many torches is being passed... 

That you are here—that life exists and identity,That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.

-Walt Whitman

Food for creative thought - and making things as a form of "protest"

Frustrated?  Annoyed?  Angry?  Here's a great bit of advice...

Tina Roth Eisenberg: Don't Complain, Create. from 99U on Vimeo.

Writing (which is what a writer should do)

The boot-strappy resilience and tenacity of this man is wonderful.  See my earlier post on my meeting with him, where we discuss the future, past and present "garment center" and his work, in particular.

What about creativity?

Sometimes, you get an idea for a new way to use some fabric that you just wanna use.  And what can happen in the creative process, is the creation of something that is uniquely, and specifically "you".

Over the holidays this year, I was absently fondling some fabric, letting creative ideas marinate in my brain,  when my sister-in-law said to me, what will you use that fabric for?

Purchased at Metro Textiles, during a Speakeasy.

Too loud and too hefty for a skirt, too specific (occasional wear) for a skirt, too Dr. Seuss to simply be the "guest star" in a garment, I knew I wanted to use it in a way that didn't require too much shaping or many seams.  So in love with this funky fabric, I feared it languishing in my stash for too long if an immediate decision wasn't reached, I announced my intention. I wanted it to be fully front and center on a pair of apron/utility pants design idea that had lived in my head for a while now.

Note: I NEVER placed this fabric in the stash.

"I have a utility-apron pants idea. With a much smaller apron than you're imagining." I said.

"Do you mean, like... a loin cloth?" She asked.

A denim loincloth, from an FIT exhibit.

"Yes, but a shaped one!  With splits in the front and back, so i can sit down easily, and everything stays in place!"

Strangely enough, this is also a popular yoga pant look, but done in a far less interesting way.

So, now I've made the pants, or, in reality, added a loincloth and waistband to an old pair of pants.  And in doing so, gave a new life to a great pair of pants I made in 2008, but never wear nowadays (for no good reason).

Pants fabric purchased from Rosen and Chadick - it never dies!  Washes like a dream! Doesn't fade!

One apron panel flipped up, to reveal pants beneath... 

These pants are more than pants to me.  They are the kind of thing I wear without a thought, and then begin to notice knowing nods from fellow creatives, and confused stares from others as I navigate my daily life.  These pants will greet me in the closet, telling me to put them on, reassuring me that no one else has to like them, promising me that they will stay on and stay up, because they conform to my body shape, and no one else's.  These pants are my companion, and I am excited to wear them out somewhere very soon.

How to fabric shop in New York City - Quilter, Artist, Home Sewer, Home Decor?

Unfinished quilt top in 2006

Some years ago, I made this quilt.  I made it entirely by hand, with no machine stitching anywhere at all. It is a quilted interpretation of a painting my sister made as a student in 1976.  We sleep under it, so I have learned (the hard way) why the right fabric and thread choices matter.  I have had to go into various areas

When shopping in the garment district, it seems the assumption is that you make garments or accessories.  Also, it seems that the stores are generally not set up for the home sewer/the weekend shopper/the artist.

What to do?

Retail: Nowadays, just about every store at street level in the district will sell to the retail customer.  Very few of the stores are wholesale only.

Shopping on weekends: Many garment district stores are closed or operate on abbreviated schedules on Saturday and Sunday. However, there are enough stores open on Saturdays now to make a full shopping day of it, without a problem, provided what you are looking for isn't too specific.

For quilters:  Because I am often asked this question, I have created a map with stores that would appeal to quilters specifically.  You may purchase one here.

For artists:  You can easily be overwhelmed by all of the choices in the district, and there is no easy path, since what you will love is likely something you didn't know existed before you went exploring in the district! I would say t is best to start with the smaller stores, and work your way up from there, since the smaller stores have carefully curated offerings, more likely to appeal to a person looking for something truly unique!

Home Dec: This can be a bit tricky, because flammability standards, strength, and colorfastness make it very important to choose your fabrics wisely according to your end use. With those things in mind, make sure you go to the right sources for what you need.  Mood Fabrics does a great job in this category, as do some other stores, which can be found on this map!


Curious Creative:  Now for you, the district is your oyster...  You may want to stumble into some of the lesser-known stores in the district, and explore all of the discoveries you come across in not only the fabrics stores, but the other bead, trim, novelty and hardware vendors sprinkled between them all.  The options are just endless!

As we move into the summer, which is typically a quieter timein the district, I encourage you to explore and create, with the bravery to experiment and innovate, amazing yourself and those you encounter in the process.  I'll be rooting for you!

A Working Title

A few weeks ago, I spent a full week just thinking about the right buttons for a project, and then, a few days later, I spent full day on a hem.  

Really.

A hem.

*Ahem...

Not a huge, horsehair reinforced bridal hem, or a hand-rolled chiffon baby hem (which would explain that amount of time).  

No.

It is the hem of a relatively simple self-drafted blouse I started conceiving last year.  And this blouse isn't even for me.  It is part of an ensemble for an endlessly patient recipient, who knows I have been fighting through a professional and creative block for quite some time now.  Thank God I've known her all my life, so she understands, but of course, not fully... or she would tell me to just drop it, if it's too hard to complete.  She would just die if she knew how many hours in I am at this point. Frankly, I would refuse to drop it, anyway.

There are times when my hands simply won't move.  Times when turning on the sewing machine requires excessive preparation for me.  A deep internal pep talk, then deciding that I need a proper and wildly elaborate breakfast that includes a trip to the grocery store, then spending far too long scrubbing some unknown stain off of something that I've decided simply can't wait, all in an endless attempt to shut off the noise in my head so I can begin.  While my practical tasks are positively ON FIRE right now, many days, even that creative "beginning" never starts.

My brain is alive with far too many ideas right now.  I feel that I run the risk of exploding if I don't release them.   And this post is part of my exercise to find that release.  I am determined to find that release. My projects following this one are all lined up and ready to go, but somehow, the needle doesn't get threaded.  The scissors don't get touched. I have been wildly creative in our kitchen (and wow, has THAT been fun, and yummy...) and I've been intensely present and engaged for the Speakeasy tours, as well as in my writing, business life, sketching, pattern-making and conceiving.  My output has been enormous, but not my sewing output, the physical DOING of it, which feels like a clogged pipe. 

I know that this particular ensemble I'm making is uniquely beautiful.  It will be something really definitive in my life as a person who makes special articles of clothing. In fact, I am certain this particular ensemble is important work. My heart sighs as I see it develop.  I know I will feel as if I am parting with my firstborn when I turn it over to its owner.  I have to admit, I don't actually WANT to turn it over. I also know that if I were to keep it (in my size, of course) , it would simply hang in my closet, waiting for that occasion that never comes... and I do wish I could keep it for myself, but it really is specifically hers and only hers.  It looks like her.  It totally came alive on her in the fittings.  And yet, I'm fighting with my own hands to complete it. Every day, I swear to myself I'm almost finished, yet every day, I am not.  Sewing/creating/designing has long been my meditation and my joy, and the motivation to complete a project comes from something that isn't money or fear of the consequences of having an angry client, or any of the things that I would hope could just force me into action.  It comes from somewhere I can't even identify.  I've always been desperate not to become a temperamental artist-type, yet I'm scared that is exactly what I've become.

While I don't compare my talent to his, Charles James was rumored to have been difficult to rely on for completion of a garment.  While I do not use this information as an excuse to endlessly fuss over the details of a garment, I can certainly take comfort in the idea that there was at least one other person who could become obsessed with the minutiae and refuse to let go until satisfied with a garment's completion.  I will assume he often had to stop and wait for the creative muse to appear.

Creative people can often find themselves blocked.

I've been looking at other sources for creative inspiration, and the things I've found that resonate all seem to be shouting the same message to me right now.

A writer must write, a creator must create, and a craftsperson/designer must make/craft/design.  There is no other way.  Late last year, I tried to turn off my creative side, listen to my practical side, fall in line, and just march...  I thought I could do that.  Just to get a regular paycheck.  I was willing to just put on earplugs and march.  I sincerely was.  What I discovered, however, is that sometimes your ears have tuned into a certain frequency that is only your own, and your brain won't let you hear but one drummer.

I am no longer endlessly meandering down a creative path.  I can see that I am truly wed to a creative life, and I am finding my way.  The static on my internal radio will clear.  The cover of my own book is still a bit fuzzy, and I am squinting to make out the words. Now, my hands have to be on board too, please...

Some years ago, I had a wonderful client who commissioned me to make 4 jackets.  We had an instant rapport, and became actual friends throughout the process of our designing and finding textures and fabrics together.  Her classically English husband was an incredible motivator to me, keeping me on top of my game, as he would review the items, gently fondle the soft roll of her lapels, and offer his quiet approval as I shaped the cuffs, sleeves, and length of her jackets.  The garments were visually beautiful, but of course now, as I've matured in my craft, I can think of about a million ways I would/could have technically improved them, if I had the chance to reproduce them now.  She was an Academy Award winning movie maker/writer/producer, and we truly had a sincere respect for each other's talents.  I once asked her how she makes movies.  What an enormous undertaking. Does she see the movie in her head, or does she just start writing?  How does it all come together?  "Well, you do start with the writing, of course... " she said.  "But, above all else, you have to have a working title."

I guess that's not unlike anything, huh?  A garment, a career, a life plan... "a working title" is necessary.  I can't wait for the day my hands start responding.  I have to practice moving my hands until they can find pick up the rhythm again.  Starting RIGHT NOW.  And yes, I have already pushed the power button on my machine.

Now, if you'll excuse me...